Tuesday, April 1, 2014

New Global Warming Pill Provides Hope

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According to the article linked here, scientists developed a new global warming pill that provides hope for reducing greenhouse gases.  Dubbed, "mother nature's morning after pill" by some, the pill uses a unique blend of enzymes, algae, and calcium sulfate to reduce carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases from the atmosphere.  However, we do not know the exact composition of the pill since it has been patented by scientists at the New Smyrna Beach Institute of Technology and Phenology.

Scientists say that if the Earth consumes the "pill" once per day each morning, the issue of greenhouse gas pollution will recede.  Side effects may include some planetary bloating along with a reduction in energy.

The pill was invented after it was realized that international policy failed to solve the international issue of greenhouse gas pollution.  "A pill was really the only way," said Dr. Sintsink.  "We reached a tipping point on the climate and no one was willing to do anything to change behavior to solve the issue.  So, we thought, why not a pill?"

His colleagues spent years of research and a decade of clinical trials before coming up with the current medicine.  "When taken daily, the pill significantly reduces greenhouse gases on the planet.  We discovered that one of the challenges with dosing for the greenhouse gas problem is that it is morning somewhere at all times on the planet, so it becomes confusing as to when to remind the earth to take the pill."

The issue of dosing is complicated by political issues.  Many argue that the U.S. should be responsible for medicating the planet.  However, those in South America do not want to have the pill administered in their time zone.  China, as the biggest contributor to greenhouse gases today, feels that Europe as a whole should be responsible since they are the ones that contributed the most to the problem historically.  Dr. Sintsink is frustrated by the pointing of fingers.  "I don't care who takes the pill," he said.  "We just need to make sure that someone reminds the planet to take its medicine each morning."

Many are thrilled with the advent of the technology.  "I am so glad I don't have to hear about global warming anymore," said I.P.C. Guzzler.  "I don't want to feel guilty about running my air conditioner or driving my car."

Each pill weighs 6.022 tons and is about the size of a large cruise ship.  "While it's a large pill, we think it will go down fine with water," said Dr. Sintsink.

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